i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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