I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
