I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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