A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
