he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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