R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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