I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
