If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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