I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
