It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
