I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
