Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
