hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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