and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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