His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
