someone get that fucking seahorse.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
