you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
