you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he wants to bone in the snuggie
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
