how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
