hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
