I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
