my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
