yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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