your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think my fart just growled at me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
