Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
