O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
