On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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