some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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