A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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