I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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