): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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