1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
