apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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