Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
