the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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