Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
