come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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