let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
