Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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