I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
