Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
