Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
