what day is it and did you see me today?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
