A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
