My Higher Power is John Stamos
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Less talking, more tequila
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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