so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
