A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
