Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
