i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
