i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
