imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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