I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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