I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
