I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
