did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
