i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
someone threw a dead crab at me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
