he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
