The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
