ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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