Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
