he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
